The Class Emphphphphphphphphpphphppphphphphphphphpphphphph...

[Damn, the tape's stuck. I'm going to have to put it in backwards for this one, but it looks like the player's jammed. Enjoy the swansong, y'all! n/k]

The Class Etymology: An *Actual* Etymology That's Not Really An Actual Etymology - Or One At All, Come To Think About It.

Art brushed an imaginary speck of dust from his lapel and turned to face his gridiron buddies, Damon and Biff.

"I have go now" he said.

"Can we come?" Damon asked.

"No" Art said.

"Oh, come on" Biff said.

"No" Art replied, firmly.

So Biff and Damon accompanied Art, of course. It turns he was going to see his tailor about his new suit. The tailor was surprised to see the likes of Biff and Damon in his small store, but was polite and sycophantic all the same.

"Mister Molina!" Gisueppe exclaimed, holding his arms up in mock surprise and then adjusting the tapemeasure he wore around his neck.

"Your-a new material, she-a come in!" he added.

"Really?" Art said, "the blue serge?"

"Nothing but the best-a for you, Mister Molina" Gisueppe continued, taking a roll of it out and laying it across the work-table.

Biff took a corner of the blue serge material and blew his nose on it. Art snatched the cloth away from Biff with a venemous look in his eye. "Biff, this stuff is eight-six dollars a METRE!"

Biff shrugged. "So am I" he said, a retort that even Biff didn't understand.

Art turned back to Gisueppe with a wearisome look. "Okay, don't use that corner when you make the suit, and you can bill me for the-"

"Well-a, Mister Molina, its-a not as simple as that" Gisueppe began, spreading his hands in an apologetic gesture.

"My credit's good, Gisueppe, right?" Art begun.

"Hhaha, no, Mr Molina, you're credit, she's-a perfect, it's not that. But I'm going off on a cruise tonight you see, you're-a lucky you catching me now, so I'm getting my nephew Cabonara to make the suit for you".

"No way" Art said, shaking his head. "You're the best Gisueppe, I'm not letting some kid mess with my blue serge".

"Cabonara sews like a little angel, Mister Molina, he's a sharp tack, better than I" Gisueppe explained.

"And then he screws up the material with his scissors while making the sleeves and I get screwed" Art said plainly.

"Hhaha, no, Mister Molina, I tell you what I do. Before I leave, I'll personally cut the shapes of all the parts myself, sleeves, slip, body, all-a that, and then my Cabonara sews them into the suit for you while I'm away, and we all-a happy".

"Well... I don't know" Art said.

"Great" Gisueppe said, "I'll start immediately, because my ship, she-a sails at seven. But I'm-a going to need some privacy.."

"Okay guys, let's go" Art said, ushering Biff and Damon out the door, still concerned for his future suit's welfare.

As they walked down the leafy boulevard, Damon turned to Art and spoke for the first time.

"So, you're not worried about that kid making your suit, Art?"

"Nah" Art said, dismissively.

"But you're still at ease? Making a suit's pretty tough work, Art" Biff said, scratching his ear.

"He's got his work cut out for him" Art said, and left it at that.

nslashk // first posted 01-28-2002 05:20 AM PT