The Class Etymology

"A Poet praised the Evening Star,
Another praised the Parrot's hue:
A Merchant praised his merchandise
And he, at least, praised what he knew
    -- "For the Duration of the War", Saki (H.H.Munro)

n/k, Purveyor of Fine Ordnance, at your disposal.

I'd like to marry two concepts right now, in front of you, and by that, I don't mean I personally want to get married to either concept, I mean that I want to join the two concepts together in a kind of matrimony. Except it still sounds like I'm being part of the... look, by join I mean uh .. connect together, not accompany. They're the 2 things getting married, not me. Except of course, it's my new concept that I'm tying the knot and... okay, what kind of marriage is this? I slave over a hot stove all day, and this is the repayment I get? I don't need this. I can find someone who'll treat me right.

Okay, let's try this again.

I regard my stories somewhat as the aforementioned 'ordnance', that is, a weapon I enjoy brandishing at whoever comes within range, especially if they're already injured, asleep or have their backs turned. The Class Murder was a .44 snub pistol, The Class Melange was a pump-action shotgun (each episode being a buck-shot cartridge) and Biff's Gridiron Diary is some kind of suitcase bomb. Paging Dr. Durham was, of course, a sniper shot fired off in the night.

And yet, like any Evil Genius, no single weapon of destruction's enough in itself to please me. Right now, I have a desire for a ... Gatling gun of a kind, those cool ones with a barrel that spins like a whirling dervish and brak-a-brak-a-brak, there's 4000 bullets heading down on you, sucker. Now THAT, mon freres, is power. A power I crave. Hold that thought.

Another thing I find interesting is etymology. It's not the study of bugs, but of the origins of words and phrases. 'Rule of the thumb' originated in a man being allowed to hit his wife as long as the bruise was no wider than a thumb. The 'tying the knot' I mentioned earlier originated with the ancient Babylonians where threads taken from the garments of the bride and groom were tied together - and not for symbolic means, but a belief to be a magic means of ensuring the oneness of the couple. 'Play that funky music, white boy' originated with.. I don't know. No doubt something to do with uh, the Minoans and their lustral vases. And the reliefs of bull horns taken from frescoes at Knossos too, no doubt. They were into all that. You know, dancing, singing, moving to the grooving etc.


Where were we? My brain occasionally shuts down. Oh yes, my desire to unleash rapid-fire artillery upon your innocent selves (Vince's going off to a conference! You're UNGUARDED, fools!) as WELL as the wonderment as to the origins of various phrases (often mis-heard) in our culture. Hmm, and what do we have here? Why .. ! It looks just like .. a different ClassM story for each day of the week, each 'accounting' for a different phrase! Ohhh, hoh hoh.


Run, suckers.

nslashk // first posted 01-21-2002 01:04 PM PT